Theatre 2024: The Bidding War @ Crow's Theatre

My husband Rich and I enjoyed the shows that we watched at Crow’s Theatre’s 2023/24 season since they were all well-acted and creatively staged.  But almost all of them were dramas that were either very dark and tense or extremely sad and depressing.  In one of my theatre blog posts, I made a plea asking for lighter fare in the next season.  Toronto-based playwright Michael Ross Albert’s new play “The Bidding War” has answered my entreaty in spades!

The Bidding War is a comedic farce that takes aim at the competitive nature of the real estate market in hilarious fashion while driving home some salient points about Toronto’s housing crisis.  The action takes place at an open house held by Sam, an inexperienced listing agent trying to land his first sale of what he claims to be “the last affordable house in Toronto”.  Played by talented actor and Crow’s Theatre regular Peter Fernandes, Sam twitches and sputters while trying to manage the competing agendas of three real estate agents (Blayne, Greg, Patricia) and four sets of potential buyers who have come to inspect the home.  Greg represents gay couple Donovan and Ian, Patricia is the agent for an extremely pregnant Lara and her journalist husband Luke, Blayne’s client is Miriam (played with sass and wit by Fiona Reid), a well-to-do but technically challenged grandmother who already owns a 5-bedroom home, while Charlie, a young, muscle builder and influencer who makes a fortune selling humiliation videos on social media, is a friend of Sam’s and has no official representation in the house sale.  Adding to the mix is the unexpected return of June, who jointly inherited the house with her stepmother after her sculptor father passed away.  June has mixed emotions about the sale since this was her childhood home and yet she also desperately needs the money.

Sam has listed the residence well below market value to drive up interest, much to June’s dismay.  There are differing degrees of interest from the various buyers until Blayne, the most unethical of the real estate agents, learns through insider information that a nearby low-income housing complex has been rezoned and will be replaced with luxury condos and shops, which will cause neighbouring property values to skyrocket.  As these details spread, the claws come out and unscrupulous shenanigans mount as the agents and clients alike vie to get an upper hand in landing the house.  The antics include Ian and Donovan trying to scare off additional viewers from attending the viewing, Blayne deciding she wants the house for herself so that she can flip it for a huge profit and therefore ditching Miriam, and Patricia trying to ditch Luke and Lara who don’t have the money to compete in a bidding war, in exchange for the wealthier Miriam.   In typical farcical fashion, tensions flare and arguments escalate from verbal to physical as chaos reigns amongst the group.  At one point, Rich leaned over and whispered to me the old adage “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye”.  If you watch this play, you will get the reference.

Despite all the hilarity and hijinks of a real estate bidding war taken to extremes, some very real issues about the housing crisis are discussed.  Themes explored include the lack of affordable housing for the poor, greedy developers and investors alike who only care about personal gain, gentrification and displacement, generational wealth and how the millennials and later generations have it so much tougher than the baby boomers, and how the real estate system is rigged in favour of the wealthy.  The play also highlights how desperation leads to moral compromises and how greed leads to exploitation.  That all these serious topics are couched within satirical humour makes the social commentary more palatable to absorb.  While defending her actions, Blayne makes a crack about Doug Ford and all that he has gotten away with, which drew huge laughs from the audience.

As with all plays at Crow’s Theatre, the staging and set design is terrific and make you feel like you are in the middle of this open house.  The production is set in the round so that everyone in the audience is within four rows of the action. Watching such a big cast moving around so quickly and purposefully on a small stage, especially one located so close to the audience, it felt like we were witnessing a well choreographed dance routine of controlled mayhem.  Just about every that you see on set (with the exception of the Franz Kline-esque black and white paintings on the walls) serve some purpose in advancing the plot including much of the furniture and the many entrances and exits on and off the set that allow for a farce-like feel as different groups can disappear, leaving others to carry on private conversations. 

The first act is set on the ground floor of the home with the living room and kitchen in view.  The kitchen island is used to serve snacks to the open house attendees. The aisle leading in and out of the Guloein theatre acts as the entrance to the house, where a QR code with for a mandatory indemnity waiver is required to be signed by all potential buyers.  A flight of stairs leads up to the “second floor bedrooms”, while a door leads down to the basement and a second door opens up to reveal the powder room.  Glass sliding doors provide access to the backyard where much talk is heard about the beautiful tree that Donovan loves but that Charlie wants to chop down to make room for a hot tub.  Following the dramatic principle of “Chekhov’s Gun” (which I now understand after finally watching Uncle Vanya), all these elements come into play at some point in the story, so very little of the set is just for show.  After the frenzy of the first act, the second act takes place in the garden where the story comes to a surprising but satisfying conclusion.

The Bidding War is an extremely funny, entertaining, yet intelligent play that was a joy to watch.  I am hoping for more lighthearted shows for the rest of the 2024/25 season.